


Conversations For The Sleepless

by Happylittleaddict



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Bonding, Comfort, Fluff, Mentions of Death, Platonic Relationships, carolina and tucker need bonding, implied past noncon, trauma mentions, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:23:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19998100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happylittleaddict/pseuds/Happylittleaddict
Summary: Tucker and Carolina are having a rough night





	Conversations For The Sleepless

“Don’t fight it Lavernius…”

Tucker sat up straight in bed covered in a cold sweat panting “just a nightmare” he said as he willed himself to calm down. He looked around the room, it was his, his armor was in a pile in the corner, his sword lay on his side table, his rifle propped up against the table. Everything was in its proper place, he swallowed as his breathing calmed and ran a hand through his braids hearing the sound of the beads clicking together, it was a comforting sound. Reassuring that what had happened happened long enough ago his hair had grown back enough to braid and bead again. 

He got up slowly, he could move freely, he wasn’t restrained, he stretched and felt his joints pop before moving to the bathroom to shower away the sweat making his tank top stick to his skin. 

Slowly he took the beads out of his hair placing them into the bowl next to the sink unraveling the braids as he went along, it was wash day anyways might as well get it all done at once.

He turned to the shower and started the water cranking up the hot water, he wanted to feel clean. He stripped down, peeling his clothes off where they stuck, closing his eyes a moment before he stepped under the water hissing lightly as it burned his skin a little before he acclimated to it. He stood under the spray letting it soak his hair and run down his body, he stayed like that for a bit just focusing on the feeling of the water letting the ghostly sensations he had felt before run down the drain with it. Then he opened his eyes and started washing his hair, starting at the roots and working his way to the ends section by section. 

It was cleansing, the process of washing, and not just in a literal sense. It felt that way mentally too, washing away the bad energy and memories the soap and water sweeping them down the drain, and through pipes away from him. 

Tucker got out of the shower and shut the water off sighing a little bit and closing his eyes for a moment. “It was just a nightmare, that’s in the past now.” he said quietly to himself as he dried off and wrapped his hair in the towel. “Guess it never really goes away though.” he muttered looking at one of the scars on his arm and sighed.

He had been slowly working through things, the denial, the anger, all that, he mostly accepted that those things happened, it wasn’t like the individuals that did it could do it to him again though, they both were dead so not like they could come back except in nightmares. He pulled on sweatpants and left the bathroom heading into the kitchen to start some coffee, Wash would probably be up, maybe, he wasn’t sure Wash and Carol slept weird schedules so sometimes they were up in the middle of the night. He understood the reasons well enough. Tucker was up this early too after all.

“Bad night?” Carolina asked him as she wandered into the kitchen. Everyone had some trouble sleeping it seemed, not as bad as her and Wash but any amount wasn’t great. Shit was a bitch but they had to deal with it and keep moving forward. 

Tucker shrugged a bit “just nightmares, not gonna be getting back to sleep.” he said looking over his shoulder at her.

Carolina nodded sitting down on a stool at the island bar “seems we are in a similar boat then.” she said with a sigh resting her chin in her hand. 

“Yeah pretty shitty hand to be dealt but at least we don’t have anything that really needs to be done. Other than making sure no one burns anything down again.” he laughed a little bit shaking his head lightly.

She laughed lightly “yeah still don’t know how he managed to burn down a running water park.”

“Yeah makes no sense but he managed it.” Tucker replied and handed her a cup of coffee before getting himself one as well. he sat down on one of the other stools near her. He sighed a little looking down into the coffee as it steamed lightly.

Carolina sipped the coffee and sighed relaxing a little bit glancing at Tucker, he had been through a lot up to this point, she didn’t know all of it obviously but she knew a lot, and could figure out other things just based on things she saw and subjects that were just avoided when brought up. 

“How do you deal with it?” Tucker asked still looking down into the coffee cup, he didn’t like these conversations but he understood the importance of them. He just wouldn’t make eye contact, it was just easier that way. 

“Well… that’s a complicated question, with a complicated answer.” she said and sighed again setting her cup down “it’s a lot of work, it has taken me awhile to get to this point, i am still working on dealing with everything. I’m not great at it, you all have seen that, trying to learn how to live… normally? Or at least more normally compared to how i was living before.”

He nodded and drank his coffee while thinking how to respond to that.

“The process is different for everyone, and unfortunately things can’t go back to how they used to be, that’s gone now and the things that have happened to us have happened. We just kinda have to figure out a way to work with what we have now.” 

“Yeah… I’ve figured that out at least. I guess… I just don’t know how to deal with this, these memories shoving their way into my thoughts and not in a fun way. So much has happened, I lost almost my entire team on a mission, I had Epsilon literally unravel in my head, and just so many other things happen that i’m not sure I’m ready to talk about yet… and don’t give me the ‘it’ll help’ speech or that ‘it will get better’ I already know that” he rest his hand over the scar and gripped his arm “it’s just something that is harder for me to talk about than the other things. The other things happened because either I fucked up, someone else fucked up, or someone made a choice to help… but these things, these things aren’t like that. There was no reason for them to happen, I could have possibly stopped them, maybe… I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore.” he closed his eyes for a moment and then looked at her.

Carolina shrugged at him “I don’t know Tucker, i don’t know what happened to you and I’m not in your head or a therapist so i’m not exactly qualified here. All I can say is find someone your trust to tell or someone who already knows about whatever it is you aren’t ready to talk about and come up with something to at least help you cope until you are comfortable to actually start facing what happened. Maybe Caboose or Wash could help out, i know you and Caboose don’t always get along but he understands a lot and cares about you and the others, I’m sure he would be happy to help you if you just asked.” She said and smiled at him lightly. “I know Caboose is dealing with his own things but he does care, and usually just wants to help, I think it would be good for both of you. He’s been with you longest anyways, I don’t know you as well as he does so I don’t think I would be the best one to help you in this case.”

Tucker sighed nodding again “yeah… guess you’re right about that. Fuckin shitty ass hand to be dealt, but yeah…you’re right… just hard.”

“I know it is, trust me it might not be the same, but i know.” She said and lightly touched his shoulder in comfort and solidarity “just don’t spiral alright?”

“Yeah I won’t get that bad. Promise.” Tucker said and grinned at her “wanna learn how to braid three c hair? Might be a good distraction for both of us for now.”

“Sure. I’d like that” Carolina said and smiled back at him.


End file.
